I love birthdays. It’s fun to get dressed up, go to a fancy restaurant, and await the pièce de résistance: a slice of cake with a glowing candle on top and, maybe, some singing. A flute of Champagne works, too.
So when I took my partner to a well-loved (and pricey) restaurant in the heart of Los Angeles’s arts district for his birthday — a neighborhood known for some of the most sought-after reservations in the city — I was excited for whatever treat the place had up their sleeve. Instead, we were slapped with the $500 bill and a mumbled “happy birthday” from the server who seemed ready to usher in the next table.
It made me wonder — are we really entitled to anything at a restaurant or bar just because we’re celebrating a birthday? Should restaurants have to comp desserts or drinks and sing a song when keeping a restaurant afloat is difficult enough as is?
The celebratory birthday dinner feels most tied to chain restaurants, where corporate establishments have long duked it out on who could provide the most fun, and often gimmicky, celebration. Whether it was Hooters making patrons flap their wings like an owl while being sung to, or Chili’s iconic birthday song (which exists due to former public domain issues with the “Happy Birthday” song), the chain restaurant was once the ultimate place for a birthday dinner celebration. At chains, there was never a doubt that there would be singing and at least a scoop of ice cream with a candle on top. This is, perhaps, where expectations for a birthday experience first emerged.
At Joe’s Crab Shack, props like fairy wings, hula hoops, and shark fins are used to commemorate, and maybe embarrass, the guest of honor. “Most guests bring the person with the intent to highlight their special day,” says Terry Turney, the chief operating officer of Joe’s Crab Shack. “The gesture is genuine, [and] we at Joe’s see our purpose as not only to supply our guests with great food and beverages but to offer a lasting memory.”
But even chain restaurants are shifting what a birthday celebration at one of their franchises looks like. Now, birthdays are a method of getting patrons to sign up for loyalty programs and other restaurant perks. To get a comped slice of cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory, one has to be a Cheesecake Rewards member — although the promotion runs the entirety of one’s birthday month. “Additionally, rewards members get rewards throughout the year as well as access to online reservations,” says Donald Evans, the chief marketing officer of the Cheesecake Factory Incorporated. Non-rewards members aren’t entirely left out, though: Those who aren’t a part of the program are still treated to a petite sundae on the house. And the Cheesecake Factory isn’t the only chain to offer new loyalty memberships in exchange for birthday rewards; Red Robin, Chili’s, and Outback Steakhouse all have similar initiatives.
Although the chain restaurant introduced the idea of free dessert and fanfare for a guest’s birthday, that philosophy has certainly seeped into independent restaurants. According to Resy, “birthday” is the most commonly selected occasion for a reservation, chosen by 64 percent of diners. “That information translates directly into Resy OS, our restaurant table management software,” says Liz Vakil, Resy’s chief product officer. “This allows the restaurant to offer a specialized experience for the guest, resulting in longer-term loyalty and increased reservations.” Although restaurants are not able to opt out of the occasion buttons on Resy’s platform, according to Vakil, it is ultimately up to the restaurant what they do with the information provided by diners — if anything at all. The button, however, sets up the patron with an expectation.
At Lula Cafe in Chicago, the recipient of the 2024 James Beard Foundation Award for Outstanding Hospitality, celebrations are a priority. “We ask every reservation if they’re celebrating something special,” chef and owner James Hammel says, typically reaching out to guests via text. From there, he develops a personalized menu featuring the guest of honor’s name and decorates the custom menu with celebratory stamps. “If it’s appropriate, we ‘sparkle’ the table when they sit with some prosecco or sparkling wine.”
For wedding anniversaries, Hammel asks guests if they danced to a specific song at their wedding and includes the music as part of the night’s playlist. “Otherwise it’s standard stuff,” Hammel says, “like make sure there’s a candle in the dessert and congratulate them profusely.”
A scoop of ice cream or cake with a candle stuck into it is pretty typical birthday fare, but it’s not the only way restaurants show appreciation for birthday parties. At Quality Bistro in New York City, birthdays are celebrated with a riff on their butter service, swapping out butter for buttercream with sides of sprinkle-studded madeleines and marshmallows lit beneath a shimmering sparkler. At Little Dipper, an astrology-themed bar 25 blocks south of Quality Bistro, birthday guests are given a charm necklace featuring their zodiac sign. At Yakiya in Los Angeles, a birthday shot of whiskey down an oily bone marrow luge is customary.
“As is always the case in hospitality, it’s about reading the guest to see whether they are looking for a more low-key celebration and don’t want too much fuss or if they are seeking maximum fanfare,” explains Cressida Greening, the founder of Winona’s in Brooklyn. “For the latter, all bets are off.” At Winona’s, that means a round of Carajillo shots, obnoxiously large sparklers, and a disco ball that begins to spin as soon as a birthday dessert comes out. “On an average Friday night, the disco ball is on pretty darn often,” Greening says.
But what about the restaurants that begrudge the birthday dinner? Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was difficult to find a chef or restaurant owner who was willing to, on the record, voice their dismay about the practice of handing out free desserts or special cocktails for a celebratory meal. This makes sense — why would guests want to patronize a business that vocalizes it is unenthusiastic about milestones, when so many other restaurants are eager to craft an unforgettable experience?
“Our industry is famously tough,” Hammel says, citing slim margins. “But we also thrive on loyal, repeat guests, so celebrating a birthday with a little extra is very much part of doing business — kind of the best part.” Hammel shares that among his peers, he has yet to hear anyone complain about providing a little extra for a guest’s special occasion.
I decided to reach out to the restaurant I visited for my partner’s birthday; they politely declined an interview.
