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For more than twenty years, I’ve been fortunate enough to work with dozens of CEOs and high-net-worth individuals to help them meet business and personal/lifestyle goals — in part by creating legacy projects that deliver lasting impact.
One of the most important things I’ve learned through this work is that there are pronounced distinctions between happiness and fulfillment and that knowing the difference is critical for personal and business success.
Because while happiness is important, it’s often fleeting — whether felt in the wake of an important sale, solid third-quarter results or upon receiving a promotion. It makes you feel good, as it should, but in the long run, tends not to change anything significant in how we live our lives day to day. It’s like a boost of dopamine—tends to leave as quickly as it arrived.
Conversely, fulfillment is the result of extended dedication to a task, project, objective or dream. It is most often the result of a commitment to something greater than yourself, like family, a cause or community. Fulfillment is essentially, sustained and deep happiness.
Innately, we recognize that happiness is fleeting and that fulfillment should be our long-term objective. However, for most of us, the goal continues to be the former. As a result of having the wrong focus, untold millions wind up stressed, unhealthy and suffering from debilitating mental illnesses like depression and addiction.
So how do we break the cycle of chasing short-term satisfaction as opposed to long-term fulfillment?
Related: The Biggest Trap Of Entrepreneurship: Happiness ≠ Achievement
Step 1. Work on yourself
It may sound simplistic, but the basic truth is that fulfillment is impossible if you don’t first take care of your body and mind. Focusing on physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing is the foundation for any other achievement.
A good place to start is with diet and exercise. This doesn’t mean you have to live like an athlete training for the Olympics: small adjustments can go a long way toward creating big changes, both physically and psychologically.
When it comes to diet, I love a simple phrase in Michael Pollen’s book, The Omnivore’s Dilemma, “Eat (real) food, not too much, mostly plants.” In other words, take it easy on heavily processed or fast food, as well as meat, and instead go for lots of vegetables and fruit. Just following that uncluttered guidance will work wonders.
In terms of exercise, every bit helps, and the mantra “Use it or lose it” is great to keep in mind. A 2013 study found that, without regular exercise, we lose 1% to 2% per year in lean body mass and 1.5% to 5% per year of overall strength after turning 40.
If you don’t exercise at the moment, start slowly. Even simple strolls have significant benefits. A 2023 Harvard report found that walking just 20 minutes a day, five days a week, yields significant health benefits, including cutting obesity incidence in half, reducing joint pain, lowering the risks of cancer and boosting immune health. Workers who were active in this basic way took 43% fewer sick days than those who were sedentary.
No matter how busy we are, everyone should be able to find 100 minutes a week to walk.
Related: 7 Reasons Why Entrepreneurs Must Workout
Step 2. Look outward
To me, a striking similarity among the myriad of theories, seminars and self-improvement coaching available today is that they tend to be focused on looking inward. But finding a purpose greater than ourselves is even more vital. Personal change is part of the process, certainly, but the ultimate goal — the true purpose in life —should be something greater. This kind of looking outward will also help with Step 1 because science tells us that interacting with and connecting to others is critical on many levels.
The Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, details in part that we have a fundamental human need to meaningfully connect with others. It emphasizes the importance of social connection in regulating nervous system responses and promoting emotional wellbeing.
Similarly, the U.S. Surgeon General stated in 2023 that loneliness — a phenomenon made much more widespread by both the pandemic and the isolation that comes from living in a digital world—poses health risks as deadly as smoking, its effects equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
But what constitutes a wellness-producing connection? In practice, it can be as simple as going for a coffee with an elderly neighbor and extend to coaching a youth sports team, joining a book club or volunteering at a community center. These are simple, tangible actions that place you in the company of real people — much more spiritually fulfilling than social media or Zoom calls.
Step 3. Redefine what success means
A commonplace Western construct is that happiness comes from success. The hitch is that, in my opinion, our definition of success is flawed. We generally equate it with wealth, fame and power. Further, we are conditioned to think that more is better: more money, more possessions and more attention, but I have seen first-hand that some of the wealthiest and most “successful” people are among the least fulfilled. They’ve checked all the boxes of conventional notions of achievement but remain wanting.
A 2018 study found that a stunning 49% of CEOs report struggling with a mental health condition (compared to just under 23% of the U.S. adult population as a whole) and that the majority of them report feeling overworked and combat both fatigue and continual stress.
Related: How to Reframe Your Internal Dialogue for Greater Fulfillment in Both Work and Life
Chasing short-term happiness in the form of money, possessions and social media status creates a vicious cycle of never having enough, which leads to more stress and more unhappiness. Instead, look inward to better yourself physically and emotionally so that you have the capacity to look outward. You will then become a better leader, friend, coach and parent — and create a self-perpetuating cycle of betterment.
