These days she’s hearing it less, though. People of all ages are more comfortable leveraging technology to make friends, Bayard Jackson said. And Gen Z — those born between 1997 and 2012 — is setting the tone, often leading conversations about loneliness and modern friend-making amid what the U.S. Surgeon General is calling a public health crisis of social isolation.
With fewer options for meeting people in person, today’s adults are turning to the internet to spark new connections. Friend-seekers told The Washington Post that looking for companions on Meetup, Reddit, Discord or Bumble led to genuine friendships that often made the jump from online to “real life.” Sometimes they felt uncomfortable or unsure, but it was worth it to widen their circles or make new connections.
The verdict is in: Hunting for friends isn’t weird. So whether you’re finding your first friend or expanding your crew, here are some expert tips to make the most of your online search.
If you’re a “blend-into-the-group” kind of person, check out the app Meetup, where organizers post get-togethers like book clubs, hikes and bar crawls. You can search by your interests and join a few groups to get alerted of upcoming events. (Many of the meetups are virtual or have a virtual offering.)
Check out your local subreddits and Discord servers, too. Many post get-togethers or keep track of community events. If you’re lost, try Googling “[your city] subreddit.”
If you’d rather connect one on one, try Bumble for Friends. It works almost exactly like the app’s dating side, with profiles you swipe right or left on. Other friend-matching apps include Wink and Yubo. Consider joining apps or sites that focus on specific communities, like Peanut for parents, Lex for queer people or Brown Skin Brunchin’ for women of color.
The bio “pizza and travel” cannot possibly contain the multitude that is you.
It’s tempting to keep things general when you describe yourself online, but that impulse could hold you back, Bayard Jackson said. Giving more info up front about who you are and what you’re looking for makes it easier to spark connections. Use bios or introductory posts to tell people what you’re into and why you’re on the app.
Maybe you want a Friday-night-mocktail buddy or an EDM-concert partner or a phone-call friend. It can be scary to label ourselves and our intentions, but go ahead and rip off that Band-Aid, Bayard Jackson said. It’ll make things easier.
Stick to positives (“looking for a workout buddy”) rather than negatives (“no gym rats, please”). You catch more flies with honey, et cetera.
Specificity also helps if you’re trying to connect with people who share your interests, Laura Nestler, vice president of community at Reddit, said. Why join a “board games” or “K-pop” forum when you can jump straight to “Catan” or “Seventeen”?
Interest-based forums are also a good starting point for people who want more friends but aren’t interested in app-powered matchmaking. The faster you transition from lurking to posting, the quicker you’ll make new connections, Nestler said.
The friend you end up connecting with might not match the ideal friend you imagine, Bayard Jackson said. People put pressure on themselves to find a bestie, but few of us have a West Side Story love-at-first-sight moment with our platonic soul mate.
Different friends fill different needs, so no worries if somebody isn’t checking your “must-have” boxes, she said. Instead, get curious about them, ask questions and pay attention to how your time together feels. You may find a point of connection you didn’t originally see. Balance asking questions with sharing details from your own life. It can be hard to figure out how much self-disclosure is the right amount, so be patient with yourself.
If you’re already part of a tight friend group, consider loosening up. Friend-seekers repeatedly said it felt intimidating to intrude on established friend groups, especially after moving to new places. If you and your friends have room for another, don’t hesitate to invite someone new.
